Words

The written word has always been my friend. Even when my thoughts don’t make sense and my words run in circles on the paper, somehow, words give me comfort. 

Looking back I vividly remember always writing notes to my friends. I found comfort. I found acceptance. I found myself somewhere in between those ink filled words on paper.I never really noticed how important words are to me until recently.

I lied. Until today.

For as long as I can remember, I used to write just to write…. Even if my grammar wasn’t the best, my mind still raced and my stories came to life when the ink hit the paper, even if it was only for a moment. Although, for much of my ‘writing career’ my words were just words, mostly words that I couldn’t spit of my mouth.

The ironic thing about me, or maybe it’s not too ironic… I write better than I speak.

For some reason I always have a hard time saying exactly what I want to say. I feel before I think. And when I think too much about something, whether it’s a sad or a joyful moment, my brain triggers a deep emotion and I keep it inside, hiding behind a wall and kept on the other side of my heart.Maybe it’s the introvert in me. Or maybe I’m just an emotional being that would rather swim in my feelings than share them with the world. 

Until I explode.

I'm still a work in progress and inbetween the mess and the scribbled lines, God has a greater purpose for my life. 

Maybe one day....

I’m going to write a book one day. I’m going to win an award. I’m going to write a Christian devotional. I’m going to go on a mission trip. I’m going to learn to speak and write better. I’m going to read more and try to spend my time doing more of what God has called me to do.

I want to love my husband more. I want to be loved. I want to give thanks. I will always praise God during the storm and seek His shelter when I’m lost.

Despite all these things I want to do…. The reality is I might not get to all of them…. But the one thing, the most important thing I’ll always do is trust in God and praise Him through any storm.

New Year= More Opportunities

This year will be about:
Growth - spirituality, emotionally, physically
Removing barriers
Being bold
Getting organized
Getting fit
Enjoying and embracing the little moments
Finding more time to listen to Him and family
Leading
Finishing projects
Saving and tithing

Cheers to a healthy, happy, and absolutely beautiful New Year!

Running on empty

As I sit here snuggled up on my comfy couch, I've realized I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm empty. I'm running on empty and have been for a long time.

• The funny thing is, I don't have to always have it all together. It's okay if my floors are dirty and my bathroom needs to be cleaned.  I'm human (and so are you)) and everything will be okay.

Good night.

People

I'm not always sure how to make sense of what others say or why they said it "that" way. It's always a guessing game and I'm the only one playing the game. It's exhausting, really. See, I over analyze conversations in my head, on repeat for at least a day, sometimes. At best I feel tired from the wheel going and giving into the feelings... At worst I become self critical and beat myself up over what I should've done, said, or reacted.

Today was a little different, even though these thoughts and feelings creeped into my inner-self.

I remembered something so significant, so beautiful, and so true. I'm a daughter of our amazingly loving, God. I'm His and He is mine and I'll never be enough because He's enough. I'm made in His imagine, on purpose for a greater purpose and He would never want self critical Mauriah bringing her down.

We're all human and mistakes are part of our DNA and so is forgiveness and love...

Thank you for this sweet reminder tonight.

Sweet whispers of truth

To be an innocent four-year-old and be completely in the moment - what I wouldn't do to be her right now. The sweet truths that easily wrap my heart with the greatest love I've ever felt.... No words to explain the immeasurable love...

Tonight I'm her greatest Christmas present and she'll love me forever. If she only knew....

My heart, be still.


And just to think Jesus loves us this much, too. My heart is overfilled with joy.

Gods humor

Just a few weeks ago I spent what felt like eternity writing a wholehearted blog about the deep places in my heart. Gosh - it was pretty exhausting and everynight after I'd write, I'd struggle with how I was going to end the piece... Was it finished? Would anyone benefit from this? Does this make any sense? Where am I going with these raw thoughts that I'm investing onto this screen... I have to laugh, well, because that's just the way I deal with stuff that I can't control.
By the time I was ready to make sense of my mess and except the beauty and the hurt and the deep stuff as a purposeful driven life, I couldn't find my draft that was secretly saved in my blog folder. It vanished. Poof! Gone. Bye Felecia. Ugh.... I could've cried. Instead I laughed.
I wanted to let go of so many things I was carrying and find some relief... I thought if only I get these words out of my head my husbands disease will fade away, the stressful demands of life will go away, and I'd find peace in the midst of my storm. The funny part about all this stuff we carry with us is, it's nothing that hasn't already been carried by someone else or too great for God to carry with us. I mean, He's on our team, even if it's the most chaotic place on earth, He will embrace us and get deep into our hole. He wants to help us with our mess. It's a beautiful thing, really. His love will never leave us or forsaken us. How awesome is that?
So, even though I didn't get to reread my vanishing post, it doesn't matter because I found beauty in my mess, right where I'm at and His grace will carry me through this stuff...

Words.

Some feelings are so raw that no words could truly describe the "stuff" behind them.

How can we breathe life into existence when the world is continuously sucking us dry?