New Year= More Opportunities

This year will be about:
Growth - spirituality, emotionally, physically
Removing barriers
Being bold
Getting organized
Getting fit
Enjoying and embracing the little moments
Finding more time to listen to Him and family
Leading
Finishing projects
Saving and tithing

Cheers to a healthy, happy, and absolutely beautiful New Year!

Running on empty

As I sit here snuggled up on my comfy couch, I've realized I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm empty. I'm running on empty and have been for a long time.

• The funny thing is, I don't have to always have it all together. It's okay if my floors are dirty and my bathroom needs to be cleaned.  I'm human (and so are you)) and everything will be okay.

Good night.

People

I'm not always sure how to make sense of what others say or why they said it "that" way. It's always a guessing game and I'm the only one playing the game. It's exhausting, really. See, I over analyze conversations in my head, on repeat for at least a day, sometimes. At best I feel tired from the wheel going and giving into the feelings... At worst I become self critical and beat myself up over what I should've done, said, or reacted.

Today was a little different, even though these thoughts and feelings creeped into my inner-self.

I remembered something so significant, so beautiful, and so true. I'm a daughter of our amazingly loving, God. I'm His and He is mine and I'll never be enough because He's enough. I'm made in His imagine, on purpose for a greater purpose and He would never want self critical Mauriah bringing her down.

We're all human and mistakes are part of our DNA and so is forgiveness and love...

Thank you for this sweet reminder tonight.

Sweet whispers of truth

To be an innocent four-year-old and be completely in the moment - what I wouldn't do to be her right now. The sweet truths that easily wrap my heart with the greatest love I've ever felt.... No words to explain the immeasurable love...

Tonight I'm her greatest Christmas present and she'll love me forever. If she only knew....

My heart, be still.


And just to think Jesus loves us this much, too. My heart is overfilled with joy.

Gods humor

Just a few weeks ago I spent what felt like eternity writing a wholehearted blog about the deep places in my heart. Gosh - it was pretty exhausting and everynight after I'd write, I'd struggle with how I was going to end the piece... Was it finished? Would anyone benefit from this? Does this make any sense? Where am I going with these raw thoughts that I'm investing onto this screen... I have to laugh, well, because that's just the way I deal with stuff that I can't control.
By the time I was ready to make sense of my mess and except the beauty and the hurt and the deep stuff as a purposeful driven life, I couldn't find my draft that was secretly saved in my blog folder. It vanished. Poof! Gone. Bye Felecia. Ugh.... I could've cried. Instead I laughed.
I wanted to let go of so many things I was carrying and find some relief... I thought if only I get these words out of my head my husbands disease will fade away, the stressful demands of life will go away, and I'd find peace in the midst of my storm. The funny part about all this stuff we carry with us is, it's nothing that hasn't already been carried by someone else or too great for God to carry with us. I mean, He's on our team, even if it's the most chaotic place on earth, He will embrace us and get deep into our hole. He wants to help us with our mess. It's a beautiful thing, really. His love will never leave us or forsaken us. How awesome is that?
So, even though I didn't get to reread my vanishing post, it doesn't matter because I found beauty in my mess, right where I'm at and His grace will carry me through this stuff...

Words.

Some feelings are so raw that no words could truly describe the "stuff" behind them.

How can we breathe life into existence when the world is continuously sucking us dry?

Just one of those days....

Life changes pretty quickly but time stands still... We wait. Wait for minutes to pass, lines to shorten, results to come in, dinner to be ready... We're always waiting. We're always wondering, too... What will happen if I say this, do that... How will he react?

I'm tired of waiting.... So tired... God please give me strength! I need to be patient and trust you, always! I need to feel you, Lord! How can I be strong when I don't understand why this is happening?
 Why am I so scared for Him? Why do I feel like I have to wait for something to happen? How will he feel, what will the day bring for him, how do I make him happy - how can I not take his words personal? 

I know you're greater than any of this, Lord! You love us and will NEVER forsake us! Help me pick up my cross and carry it, happily... Please search my heart and search my soul, Lord! I want and need ALL of YOU! 

Remind me, you can create miracles... 

The hard stuff unraveled

Life is what you make it - -  it's a beautiful, wonderful, and a crazily confusing place at times. But with Faith, all things are possible. Faith reminds me that I'll get through the hard stuff, the stuff I rarely express or talk about.

I've always tried so hard to to be a good friend. It's just something I thought I was supposed to do. It's like if I really plugged into their reality, maybe my crap wouldn't feel so bad. I began getting lost in serving others. More than just what the Bible calls a servants heart. I was codependent. I was trying to fill my void by filling someone else's. Sure, that worked for a bit... Until God wanted to heal my wounds and my heart that was so lost I didn't even know what Mauriah wanted or who I was. I felt out of place, as I frantically ran on empty. I felt like a cat chasing it's own tail, just running in circles never going anywhere. How exhausting, really? But for so long this life consumed my inner being. My life was taken over by pleasing others and intern please myself, so I thought.

So much in my life was choking me up. I couldn't even breath. And then my husband was diagnosed with a horrible disease... And my world was shaken... But this time God was my sense of being and little did I know this life, this 'new normal' would unravel healing and so much more than I could ever imagine.


It's funny to look back on now, seriously. Or maybe sad is a better word... Either way,   Struggling is part of life - it's like our DNA needs it so we can look forward to the good stuff.

I know someone needs to hear this truth and that's why I've decided to write about this journey of a new normal, everyday.

Break Every Chain

Break every chain

It's funny that for the first time at out new home of 1 1/2 years, I'm finally doing what I Invision myself doing almost ever night... I'm sitting on my patio, with a glass of wine, dim lighting, listening to the wind blowing through the branches, and I'm writing. Simple? Sure. But in the craziness of everything else - this is exactly where I want to be. I guess you could say that I'm content. I've learned to find joy in the little things - the simple, non materialistic parts of pure beauty. See, God doesn't want the fancy things we care about, like big TV's, the newest IPhone, or what haves we still can't get a grip on... He cares about our heart. Like God, I'm finally truly caring about my heart. As sad as that seems, it wasn't an easy task. I've always been unselfish to the point of losing myself and continuously needing someone to take care of. I was a codependent mess. If someone asked me what made me happy or what I wanted for Christmas even, I'd shrug my shoulder's. I was hiding beyond another person's shadows. And in all honesty, I wanted to shout NO so loudly. I wanted to take back my life and seek my purpose.
As I sit here in my happy place while the world sleeps, I'm at peace with myself and with my heart. I'm starting to heal past aches and understand the power in saying no, so I can say yes to what matters most to me.

Find moments to listen to God. And when you need prayer ask for it. I promise you'll feel your prayers being lifted and that my friends is a beautiful thing.

Be something

Normal... What's that? I know God has a significant purpose for all of us. He has created endless opportunities for a beautiful life. We can decide to take chances and travel the unknown. We can inhale the fresh air and find tranquillity in the song the birds sing. We can dare to be bold and courageous. Forgiving others with blessings of love and grace - whatever our tender and humble hearts desire - He loves us just the same.
Isn't that in itself so remarkable? To think we have a choice...we can choose what we want and how we react... Really? Yes. God has blessed us with so many unimaginable things .. Pursuit of happiness - don't even think for a moment He forgot that. This is our life. We can decide what purposes we pursue.
God's knocking on the doors of our hearts and joyfully wants us to move... Do something... Be something... Love something...

Don't let moments of temporary emotional response define you or capture your happy. Indulge in your inner self and try to find your new normal.

My prayer is for God to use our circumstances for His will. When we feel defeated - look to our Lord, the creator of heaven and earth. God is bigger than everything else... Don't try to bring Him down to size. He always comes through for those that have faith in Him.

Love,
Mauriah