Just a few weeks ago I spent what felt like eternity writing a wholehearted blog about the deep places in my heart. Gosh - it was pretty exhausting and everynight after I'd write, I'd struggle with how I was going to end the piece... Was it finished? Would anyone benefit from this? Does this make any sense? Where am I going with these raw thoughts that I'm investing onto this screen... I have to laugh, well, because that's just the way I deal with stuff that I can't control.
By the time I was ready to make sense of my mess and except the beauty and the hurt and the deep stuff as a purposeful driven life, I couldn't find my draft that was secretly saved in my blog folder. It vanished. Poof! Gone. Bye Felecia. Ugh.... I could've cried. Instead I laughed.
I wanted to let go of so many things I was carrying and find some relief... I thought if only I get these words out of my head my husbands disease will fade away, the stressful demands of life will go away, and I'd find peace in the midst of my storm. The funny part about all this stuff we carry with us is, it's nothing that hasn't already been carried by someone else or too great for God to carry with us. I mean, He's on our team, even if it's the most chaotic place on earth, He will embrace us and get deep into our hole. He wants to help us with our mess. It's a beautiful thing, really. His love will never leave us or forsaken us. How awesome is that?
So, even though I didn't get to reread my vanishing post, it doesn't matter because I found beauty in my mess, right where I'm at and His grace will carry me through this stuff...
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